Introductory Post
Wondering what started all this? What happened to inspire me to share all this with you.
Read my first post …
Waking up. posted September 14, 2009
I cry daily. Yesterday I cried twice.
The first time I cried was on my daily walk. I witnessed a group of bikers riding down a hill, around the hill and then running – while carrying their bikes – back up the hill, and then riding back down, around, and up again – still carrying their bikes. I began crying at the site of this.
The second cry was at mass. A man stood up to sing for what seemed clear to me the first time – in this setting anyway. I was full of pride for this man I have never set eyes on before. It takes guts to do this. I began to cry.
Lately I cry every time I see an act that takes guts. What I saw this morning was a group of people that have discipline, determination, perseverance – all things that I notoriously lack. What I saw today in church was a man with passion getting involved in something he believes in. Usually these cries just last a moment. But yesterday morning on the track, I couldn’t stop. That is when I realized I wasn’t listening.
I am a wife, a mother, and a step mother. My son and my step-daughter will grow up no matter what kind of person I am. I have one shot at this. I want to be the kind of person that they can look up to and strive to be like. We are approaching my son’s first birthday and it is becoming more clear to me what my challenge is as a parent. What kind of person I am today will have an impact on what kind of people these children become.
I have never taken a chance in my life. I have never put faith in myself and done whatever it takes to follow a dream. I have never begun a feat knowing that failure was a possibility instead I have accepted failure as an inevitability and quit before I started. I never considered that quitting, but have come to realize that I may not have quit that task but I quit living. I may have been breathing all these years, but I wasn’t living.
It has taken becoming a mother and thinking about the kind of life I would love to provide for my son to realize these things. Why do I want to provide my son and step daughter with the kind of life that I have been to scared to live? Well, I know why, but how? HOW?! How can I teach them to take chances, when I never have? How can tell them to have faith in themselves, when I don’t believe in myself? How am I supposed to teach them to go after their dreams, when I have let all mine die?
The answer is that I need to learn how to do these things so I can teach them. And I am going to start now. So that is what this is all about. I want to be stronger, more committed, more confident while I navigate through this life. Here are some of the steps that I am going to take to do this.
Wake up – I am going to wake up BEFORE my son in the morning. Have a minute to myself to breath before my day starts.
Stay active – 25 minutes a day OUTSIDE. So far three days in a row I have gone on a walk – 25 minutes with an elevated heart rate – I feel great!
Stay positive – negativity breed negativity…and its useless.
Do something every day that scares me.
Now you may think that last one is silly – can someone really be afraid of enough things to do something EVERY day that scares them. The answer is yes. I am afraid of everything. Making a phone call is scarier to me then jumping out of a plane. That is no exaggeration. I have jumped out of a plane, but the phone…still my biggest challenge.
So, what am I going to do today that scares me?
Start this blog. Why would anyone want to hear/read what I have to say?
Well, I have learned in the last year that we are here to help each other. And I finally let others help me – two women in particular have been a great help. One of the most powerfully things that they said to me – and they both said it – “I know how you feel…you are not alone”. I didn’t realize until the second woman said it to me during a hug, that is EXACTLY what I was feeling…alone.
SO…
I know how you feel…you are not alone.
